Life In The Labyrinth And Middle Earth
by Niffers
Summary: First I visit the Labyrinth. But I end up in ME. This is my adventure. In diary format.
1. Vacation Time

(February 20th, 2003)

I think I'm annoying the J-Meister with my Moulin Rouge/Eiffel 65 mix CD. Heh. ALTHOUGH I've seen him quite a few times dancing slightly to the upbeat songs... The Can Can, Hindi Sad Diamonds, Move Your Body, Livin' In A Bubble (which ironically enough is his favorite song on the whole CD)... Go figure. Heh. It's funny, especially when he thinks no one is watching and he just starts rocking out to the music. Heh. ANYWAY, another update on my life in the Underground so far. Heh. I've even seen Hoggle around. The movie did him justice, which is amazing, if you think about it. 

YES, for all of you who are curious, I am taking a small sabbatical in the Labyrinth. Jareth was kind enough to allow me to stay with him during this time, seeing as how I've needed to take a break from mundane life for quite some time now. It's great here. The movie made it look old and crumbling away, but really it's a beautiful place. The goblins actually behave, as well. *Jareth rolls his eyes behind me* Oh come on, J. They do behave. A lot better than in the movie, I must say. Heh. I made him silent. He's adorable when he pouts. O.O I did not just say that. Oh crap. Now he's smirking. *proceeds to stick foot in mouth* okay then. This is enough for me. I might want to stop before I say something else that could get me in…er… Uncomfortable positions… Over and out.

-Niffers

(February 19th, 2003)

*a goblin zooms by and runs into a wall* o_O. Yeah. Hello. Long time no submit, eh? That just sounded wrong. Heh. Sitting here with a very annoying Goblin King (*speaks to Jareth* shut up, you ARE annoying) behind me, going on and on about shit I've never even heard about nor do I want to know at that matter. With him, you never know. Yes kiddies, The Labyrinth IS real. I kid you not. *hits Jareth on the arm* shaddup. Go away, Your Royal Glitterness. Heh. And he IS a glitter fanatic. Just like me! You do NOT want to see his collection of anything glittery. Believe me. I've had the mishappenings of seeing it myself. Horrific, I tell you. Anywho, thought I'd update, while I have smelly little goblins all around me. Who'd've thought that J would have a computer, much less an Internet connection? *shrug*

-Niffers


	2. Kitties On The Loose

(February 21st, 2003)

HelloOoOo! Oh. My. God. Jareth... In nothing but a towel. *shields eyes with hands, then peeks through fingers* Woo. Good thing I have my trusty Nikon N65 with me, eh? *winks and Jareth sees camera and asks what I think I'm doing*  *SNAP goes the camera!* LMAO! He just shrieked like a girl! Even I can't do that! *falls onto the floor, laughing hard* Okay, okay.. Anywho, I'm so excited! J's gonna teach me to be a Mage, using only my will… and the crystals, of course. But with his teaching, I don't have to worry about all the baggage that comes with being a Mage. You should see this Fae's library! It's HUGE! All kinds of books of the Underground's History, how the Labyrinth came to be (but I was sworn to secrecy on that one…), spells, curses (naughty Jareth!), anything you can think of, he's got it. *sighs* I am in heaven. Being a lover of Magic, I tend to squeal and jump up and down when I'm in his Library. Heh. It's like candy to a little child. *looks around to make sure J's not around then leans in slyly* Jareth has Rocky Horror on video… *snicker* I found it hidden behind a Transfiguration spellbook. But you didn't hear that from me! J's even told me he could give me wings if he so chose. And, of course, I just looked at him slack-jawed and my eyes wide, like, "Huh?"

But enough about that. I spoke to Hoggle today… Very interesting guy, I must say. He had thought I was running the Labyrinth and yelled at Jareth for making another woman run his Labyrinth. Hilarious. Then J told him that I was a guest and I swear, Hoggle may seem short, but he sure can run! *giggles* Jareth just merely chuckled about the whole thing. The Fae has a sense of humor! Who knew?

I did his make-up this morning, only after tying him down to a chair and gagging him with one of his tights rolled into a ball. Hee. He looks good, also. He does his make-up the same way I do… Which is strange, but okay. lol. He of course was too arrogant to admit that I did a good job, though. Typical. Oh well. lol. He wasn't too happy about me ruining one of his "precious tights", though. But he got over it… Eventually. Heh. 

*sigh* Jareth's yelling at me. I must go now. He must've just NOW figured out that I secretly brought my cat, Samantha, along to the Labyrinth. Hehehe. And she sheds. Majorly. she must've gotten into his chambers. I must go save her, so for now, adieu!

-Niffers


	3. Undying Love For An Orange? lol!

*for a curious reviewer, LMAO means Laughing My Ass Off… Just thought I'd clear that up. And YES, I did a spectacular job on his make-up. He looked stunning… Hee.*

(February 22nd, 2003)

Woo-hoo! I can move shit with my mind! How cool is that! Jareth says I'm quite an irregularly fast learner… Heh. Oh… I had a little difficulty with conjuring clear crystals… Heh. Instead of them coming out clear, they either came out blood red or had red glitter in it. *smiles cheesily* Red's my favorite color! He kept scolding me for doing so, also. lol. That Fae is a slave driver! Oh, by the way, SonKalia, I told J that you said hi and I think he's still a little embarrassed about the whole misunderstanding of who you were at first. Heh. I couldn't help but giggle.

I was right about Sam, my cat. She had gotten into Jareth's room and his bed was covered in at least a layer of dark grey cat hair. Hee. She ended up using some of his tights as a scratching post, also. Oops! I was lucky I was able to get her out of his room alive. lol. She doesn't take too kindly to crystals being hurled at her full force, though. I swear, that Fae can be such a baby some times… *rolls eyes* But you all knew that, didn't you?

The goblins here really aren't that grotesque… No, REALLY. Heh. I played a little prank on Jareth last night while he was sleeping (after he got Sam's hair of his bed)…I put a small spell on him that would make him fall in love with an orange… Turned out quite interesting this morning… lol. He started talking with a southern accent and declaring his undying love for the poor defenseless orange sitting on his breakfast plate in a Scarlet O' Hara fashion. I literally fell out of my chair laughing. Of course, after kissing it and… uh… Sticking it down his pants (disturbing, really), he broke out of the spell and glanced at me. And the worst thing is, he just looked at me sweetly and said in a light tone, "Love, you had better run and run fast, for what I am about to do to you would pale in comparison to any idea you come up with in your wildest imagination…" O.O

Needless to say, I ran like hell. He caught me, though. The cheater. Maybe when I'm out of the shock and not thoroughly embarrassed I'll tell you what he did to me, but now is not the time, nor the place to do so. lol.

I wonder what he'd do if he were to be stripped of his powers for a day? Speaking of which… He's teaching me exactly how to do that, tomorrow. *halo appears above head* No, really… I'm innocent! *tries to smile innocently and fails miserably…* Bwahaha. For now, we must part! You must speak of my plan to no one! For this just might turn out to be one interesting day tomorrow… *winks*

-Niffers


	4. Glamour Spells And Tigers

(February 26th, 2003)

Heh. Jareth found out about my little "evil plan". He's wisely decided not to teach me to strip someone of their powers. lol. Damn. I could've had fun with that, too.  Oh well. Heh. Jareth has a Royal Advisor named Pahlin. Pahlin's an elf with blonde hair and Amethyst eyes, and he's almost as tall as Jareth (who is about 6'3"…)! Goody! Another person that can tower over me! I'm only 5'3"! Eesh. (notice the SARCASM. Heh.)

I'm able to shape-shift into the form of a white Bengal tiger with emerald green eyes and caramel stripes. How cool is that? I've often chased him while in my tiger form and when he's an owl. Heh. Accidentally made him lose a few tail feathers, though. We were playing tag! I had forgotten I had majorly sharp teeth! Aheh! *smiles cheesily* *Jareth grumbles behind me* Yes, it WAS an accident… What?! It was not attempted murder! Sheesh! Over-exaggerate much? ANYWHO… He's "licking his wounds", so to speak. 

J's also taught me how to do Glamour spells… I can change my eye color, or I can change everything about me and look like someone else. Hee. I accidentally turned myself into Nicole Kidman from _Practical Magic_ for a while, though. Didn't mean to. He just said, "think of someone you'd want to be"... And Nicole Kidman randomly popped into my head. Heh.

Jareth has made more sexual innuendos towards me than I've heard in my entire life! He sure knows how to make a woman blush! Then again, I'm not too innocent in that department, either. I've made my share of innuendos towards him… lol. Tomorrow he's holding a ball for some weird, odd reason. Of course, I have to go. He wants me to be his "escort", in all senses of the word. Should I say no? Or yes? I'm not sure. But I must go now. He keeps harassing me with erotic suggestions. Must proceed to verbally humiliate him. Will tell you how it goes. Bye bye!

-Niffers


	5. Ball Details And Other Things

(March 3rd, 2003)

Jareth likes to curl up next to me when I'm in Tiger-form… I swear, that Fae must have had a messed up child-hood cuz he's been starting to speak to me in baby-talk when I'm a tiger… Now I know how my animals feel when I talk to them in baby talk. Oiye. He's found this spot behind my right ear, and when he scratches it, I stretch out luxuriously and purr. lol! I often follow him in Tiger-form, and the first time the Goblins saw me, they squealed in fright and scattered like the wind. lol.

A lot of you are wondering how the Ball went… It was fun! lol. I actually enjoyed myself. I told Jareth that I would not sleep with him, but I'd cuddle with him. lol. Amazingly, he accepted that. He said that he'd expect no less from me and if I would've said yes, he would not have gone through with it anyway. Uh... Yeah. Okay. Why did he even ask in the first place, then? lol. BUT, we're getting off the subject. He invited almost every kingdom in the Underground to the Ball, so I saw just about every fantasy creature. It was freakin' coooool. lol. One of the Elf Princes got a little "friendly" with me, and I ended up punching him in the face. He was so stunned that I hit him that he fell to the ground. Hehe. I don't take well to people feeling me up without my permission. Especially fantasy characters. Jareth abruptly told him to leave and he asked me what happened. I told him the bastard tried to feel up my skirts so I punched the Elf in the face. Thus told, Jareth actually looked upset! He kept me to his side for the remainder of the night with an arm permanently around my waist, which was, to say the least, elating. I guess. lol. I thought it was adorable that Jareth was protecting me. Heh. All in all, I had a blast. The ballroom also looks much different than the movie version. It's an actual bubble. A glass bubble. Or crystal, I should say. Heh. You should've seen the dress I was in. It was gorgeous. RED. YAY! Blood red. I even saw some vampires at J's Ball. Boy, are they flirts. Eesh. They flirted with me right in front of Jareth, which was actually amusing, since they used all kinds of cheesy pick-up lines and everything. lol. I couldn't help but laugh at them. 

Later on, after the ball, J and I were lying in his massive, fits-10-people bed, and he kept scooting closer, so I kept scooting away. lol. I ended up falling off the bed. *cheesy smile* He even insisted that I wear some black lingerie thing, complete with black lacy thong and I said "NO". He didn't give me much choice. He said I could either wear what he offered me, or nothing at all. I wasn't too happy. I wore the lingerie. *grumble* J, chose to sleep in the NUDE. Scarred me for life, I tell ya. I will never look at him the same way again. *hint hint wink wink* ANYWHO, we both went to sleep on opposite ends of the bed, and in the morning I awoke to find the two of us in a mass of tangled arms and legs, facing each other. He was awake. Damn him. He found the whole thing kinky and *cough*arousing*cough*. I shot out of the bed and raced to my room in a numb kind of shock, with his laughter trailing behind me. Ugh. Smug Fae Bastard. 

The last few days have been interesting… YEAH, that's what it was! Apparently he can't keep his hands off of me. Sort of annoying when butterflies burst into a samba in my stomach at the mere brush of his hand. And he KNOWS that he has that affect on me. Arrrrgh. Why me? Oh well. I won't give in to him… If I can turn mortal men away, why not a Fae as well? *looks panicked* Right? Maybe? Possibly? Hopefully? *whimper* O.O

He likes touching my stomach. *whimper*

I am in sooooooo much over my head.  Not good.  Not good at all. Hopefully I'll survive my stay here. I might not come back a virgin. O.O NOT GOOD! *whimpers some more and sobs loudly* *sniffle*


	6. Evil, Dreaded, AUTHOR'S NOTE! Please rea...

_*Hiiiiiiiissssssss!!!* _It's the dreaded, evil, _Author's Note!_ *_Hiiiiiiiisssssssss!*_

I just thought I'd let you people know that I have recently gotten into Legolas Greenleaf stories and I might not be updating soon… I just wanted to let you people know what I've been up to and shtuff, k? *ducks from all the flying peaches* I will be in Middle Earth for a little while now since I've been kicked out of school…lol. J's nice enough to send me, so.. I will HOPEFULLY be back soon. lol.

Don't hate me! *whimper*

-Niffers


	7. Jelousy Between Elf And Fae? What the?

March 13th, 2003

Bwahaha. An update from Middle Earth! Heh. Jareth has been visiting me in Rivendell. Let's just say the first time he shimmered in, Lord Elrond almost had a heart attack. Which isn't good, if you think about it. I mean, he's an Elf for cryin' out loud. Heh. OH and Legolas was there, visiting as well. I think Chico-Duende (Elf-Boy, in Spanish which is the nickname I keep calling Legolas) is afraid of me somewhat. Either that or he finds me very amusing. The other day I touched Legolas' ear and I think it makes an Elf horny. Bwahaha. Let's just say he hasn't looked at me the same since then. Bwahahaha. LOL Lord Elrond asked Jareth if he was some kind of Wizard. Jareth looked almost offended and he crisply told Elrond that he was a Fae. It was pretty funny. Although J glared at me when a giggle slipped from me. Heh. 

In a few days time, I get to travel to Lothlorien, for Galadriel strongly wishes to meet Jareth and I. Personally I think she is bored out of her mind. But I'm probably wrong. Heh. Have you heard Sindarin being spoken? O.M.G.!!!!! It's GORGEOUS. Heh. I've asked Chico-Duende if he'll teach me the beautiful language. He agreed. HEE! I'm gonna learn Elvish, I'm gonna learn Elvish! Ye-hew!

I think Jareth is jealous of Legolas. lol. Jareth strictly told Legolas to keep his hands off of me for I was his property and I smacked Jareth upside the head, telling him I was my own property and nobody else's. lol. Yeah. But I'm sure you don't want to hear anymore about Middle Earth. Or do you?

-Niffers


	8. Accidents And Insults In Elvish

March 14th, 2003

Ugh! Jareth keeps complaining that Legolas is prettier than he is. It's rather annoying. Especially at night when I'm trying to sleep… I'm pretty sure all of Rivendell heard me scream, "Will you shut UP ALREADY? You're driving me insane!" Heh. Cuz, uh... All the wildlife went silent. Heh. Not even a cricket chirp. Do they even _have_ crickets in ME??? Never mind. I don't wanna know. Legolas is being nice and he's teaching me archery. Bwaha. I was pretty good with a 30 lb. modern bow, 4 years ago. Then again, I was only hitting a plastic covered bale of hay… Hrmmm. AND it's been 4 years since I've handled a bow. I'm also left-handed so it's pretty interesting to see Legolas hold the bow with his left hand and hold the arrow with his right… I hold the bow with my right hand and hold the arrow with me left. Jareth thinks archery is pointless. I told him curtly that he only thought so because he possessed magic and therefore did not need to use a bow and arrow. I think Legolas snickered slightly which made me crack a smile. I tried handling a sword… I couldn't even lift the damn thing! lol. So I'm sticking with a bow and arrow. Heh. Much easier to use. Yes. Very.

I almost shot Jareth once... He wasn't paying attention, and I, being the klutz that I am, accidentally shot an arrow at the tree Jareth was leaning on. Heh. Whoopsies! He promptly chased me after that throughout Rivendell, only stopping when I managed to fall into one of the ponds. It wasn't a pretty sight. He didn't bother to help me out, either… Stupid Fae. Lord Elrond saw the commotion and decided to help me out of the very cold pond, but of course, he was laughing. Hell, if it weren't me and it was somebody else, I'd be laughing too. I cursed at Jareth in Elvish, "Llie n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina, kela!" which means "You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny, go away!". Heh. I love being able to use different languages and confusing people. Legolas merely chuckled.

I don't see why Jareth could like me... But in his own demented mind, only he knows. The day I see myself in his arms, kissing him passionately is the day after I go skipping through a meadow happily with an Orc, hand in hand with a flower in my hair. Yeah. NOT happening. 

I can't resist touching Chico-Duende's ears. Heh. One, because it drives him crazy. Two, it's fun. Three, I love torturing him. Heh. Cuz I'm mischievous like that. No, don't you see the halo? It's currently being held up by devilish horns, but it's there all the same!

But I must go now. Lord Elrond wishes to speak with me.. About what, who knows. But I will soon find out. And I think I've traumatized Jareth enough for one day.


	9. Official Annoyance And Amusement For Elv...

March 27th, 2003

I met Galadriel over a week ago, I think. She's freakin' cool! Of course, I also met Celeborn and he is not as slow-spoken as one would think. Quite fast, actually. When Galadriel met Jareth, however, let's just say things were quite amusing. Heh. Neither of them said a word, although I'm pretty sure they had quite an argument telepathically with the way Jareth's face paled. Heh heh heh. I can't help but wonder what they talked about... Legolas accompanied us to Lorien, much to my amusement of Jareth's annoyance. Heh.  I thought it was funny, and I almost fell off of my horse laughing when I saw the look on Jareth's face. Legolas had to grab me and pull me back into an upright position, earning death glares from Jareth. I infuriated Jareth more by leaning over and hugging Legolas, deliberately to piss Jareth off.

Amazingly, Jareth has left me in Lorien for a week now, mumbling something about his Goblins tearing the Labyrinth down in his absence, and quite frankly, I'm glad he's gone as now I can learn Elvish songs without him nagging me. Heh. I've already learnt the Lament For Gandalf and I met the Elven lady who sang it and now we sing it for fun. It's beautiful and we even caught the attention of the March Warden Haldir who happened to be passing by. Heh. I've been speaking more and more Elvish since I've gotten there and Galadriel is quite impressed that I had caught on so quickly, being a human and all. Bwahaha. Haldir had snuck up on me and asked me what I was doing in my talan and I merely raised an eyebrow at him, saying, "Ar' mani naa _lle_ umien sinome, Haldir?" which meant "And what are _you _doing here, Haldir?" Heh. He quickly mumbled something and walked away. SCORE! I embarrassed the March Warden of Lorien! *does little victory dance and falls down* Anyway, Jareth STILL hasn't contacted me yet… I think I wounded his pride, somehow… Either that, or he just wants to leave me stranded in Middle Earth for that Orange spell I cast on him a while ago… Revenge. Not something to be taken lightly. But I've been having a blast with the Elves. Although I only seem clumsy and stupid and awkward looking when I'm near them. They literally glow of their own aura and they have the grace of a feline when they move. And so soft spoken! Gah they cringe when I talk. Heh. So I've learned to talk more quietly so I don't hurt their ears. I've confused them with my choice of words, also... Like, "SHIBBY" and, "Sweeeeeeet" and other stuff like that, "Holy Jimini Crisis, Batman's mother's uncle's sister's brother's girlfriends' ex-boyfriends' daughter's toenail has fallen off! Houston, we have a slight difficulty at hand!" Yeah. But they all laugh at me, no matter what I do. Especially when I start talking about magical cheese coating itself around every human man and overpowering them to do perverted things. o.O Um… Sure. Can you see why I am rarely taken seriously?

Legolas won't leave my hair alone. He won't. He keeps playing with it so I start playing with his ears. Although now when I touch his ears he moans softly and tilts his head towards me. After that I've steered clear of him. Now I bother Haldir and I keep smacking him in the rear causing him to jump, yelp and glare all at the same time! My, is he multitasked or what? And with some of the insults that come out of my mouth, I've made the tips of his ears pink quite a lot. Heh. Who'd've thought I could make an Elf blush? Why can I say? I'm gifted. Anywho, that was my week. I also accidentally shot an elf in the butt with an arrow. I threw the bow away from me and whistled innocently. Heh. The elf happened to be female and quite annoying, also. She wasn't too happy. Oh DARN. *evil grin*. Still waiting for J to come back, though. But by all means, he can take his sweet time. 


	10. Haldir Has A Playful Side And I have a M...

March 28th, 2003

Galadriel has been my mother away from home. lol. It's so nice to engage in conversations with her. We talk about everything and yet she still exudes this aura of wisdom about her. I woke up this morning to find I had elf ears and a note on my nightstand from Jareth, explaining why he had been away for so long and for an apology gift he gave me the ears. When Galadriel saw my ears, she merely smiled a secretive smile and I groaned at the amusement in her eyes. I'm still denying that J likes me. Heh. I even ran to Haldir jumping up and down in excitement and pointing at my ears. lol. I asked Galadriel if I was truly bothering Haldir and she said that he hadn't felt this young when around me since… Well, since he was a little Elf-ling. Heh. Haldir now chases me like a little sister, which is fun, except he always catches me since I'm a slow runner. lol. Then he proceeds to tickle me. I've strictly kept myself from touching his ears. 

Every time I'm alone, Legolas shows up and insists that I touch his ears… He hounds me about it and now I flat out refuse. lol. He will NOT leave me alone! It's aggravating, and now I'm staying around Haldir more often, sitting up in the guard post with him, watching the sun rise and the sun set in the grand sky. We talk, but sometimes we sit there in silence. Very nice. I'm avoiding Legolas as much as possible right now.

Galadriel still freaks me out whenever she mind-speaks to me… I yelp and jump at least a foot into the air, which Haldir laughs at. *grumbles* But I just lightly hit him upside the head and say, "It's not polite to laugh at frightened people." lol. It only makes him laugh more… *mesmerized by sound of Haldir's laugh* Hewaduh… Bubawuma..*snaps out of it* Oh! Eh-Heh. *blushes* ANYWHO, I'm going to go now. Haldir's lookin' like he's going to be chasing me any….second…now-ahhh! Bye!


	11. Serious Diseases And Flirting In Elvish?

April 4th, 2003

Heh. I practiced transfiguring into my tiger form… Worked wonderfully, but… I scared Haldir. Bwahaha. He's obviously never seen a tiger before and seeing me transform into one scared him out of his calm, collected, Elven sense of security. Heh. In short, he was majorly freaked out. *evil grin* I came up to him and purred, rubbing against his legs in an affectionate manner. lol. He then suddenly sensed me and knew I was the tiger. lol. Which is cool. Because now I can fully tackle him to the ground, in an animalistic type way. Well, I could've done it in human form, but it's so much more fun, especially knowing I'm lighter than a normal tiger, but I can still effectively pin him down. Bwahaha. O.O I SWEAR I'm innocent! Really! *eye twitch*

J's going to leave me in Middle Earth while he "repairs" the Labyrinth. From what I've heard, the goblins only left half of it standing. I don't know how long I'm going to stay, but Galadriel has welcomed me with open arms. Awwww! Haldir seemed ecstatic that I'd be staying in Caras Galadhon… lol. Interesting! I even transformed into looking exactly like Galadriel. She mind-spoke to me at that moment and I was so startled I happened to take on her physical form. Eh-Heh. My bad! XD Galadriel and I had to laugh at Haldir and Celeborn's severely confused faces, though. My voice gave me away, though. And everything about me, for that matter. lol. After I got scolded by both of them, I transformed back into my original form, but changed my eye color to an intense green, like the color of the grass after a generous rain. I still have my Elf ears… They're permanent until I ask Jareth to remove them. lol. Which won't be for a while. Nope. I might also go to Mirkwood or the Shire, to see the Hobbits. If I go to the Shire, Galadriel will have Haldir escort me there… Hee. That Elf has seriously grown on me. Heh. But if I go to Mirkwood, I'll be traveling with Legolas. *shudder* Most likely he'll arrange it to where we have to share a horse. Oiye. Why me? Heh. Could be all those times I incessantly flirted with him… Oh, maybe… Bad Niffers, bad! *smacks forehead* I have a serious disease called _flirtsalotunintentionallyandsufferstheconsequencesforit-itus_. Yeah. Very serious indeed. It has not been known to be fatal for the male species (YET), and hopefully it will stay that way. Hmmm… Let us hope, shall we? I've caught myself flirting with Haldir… Eep! Eh-Heh. *sheepish grin* 

The bad thing is that Haldir flirts right back and not knowing what he's saying in Elvish can be pretty bad, cuz you don't know if he's insulting you, saying things that would make a sailor blush or just saying stupid things in a beautiful language so it makes the human girls swoon. lol. I'm glad I know a few insults in Elvish. Heh. A few dirty words in Sindarin and Quenya, also. So I can usually catch Haldir when he says something naughty. lol.  Which is quite often… o.O *blushes* Woo the things he says. Anywho, Mooooving on…. 

Want to know what's really pathetic? I only stand up to the lower region of Haldir's chest. *sobs uncontrollably* I have to literally crane my neck all the way back to look him in the face. lol. I'm only 5'3", as you know, so being next to an Elf is depressing. lol. 

Did you know that they have pure energy foods? Like Lembas bread, but much sweeter like fruit. When I eat that stuff, I can run like the wind and not get tired. Hee! Then, I'm also on an energy high for the next 5 hours, but hey, it's great! And when those 5 hours are up, I don't crash down like I normally would with caffeine and sugar… Heh. Very nice. It's especially useful when running from Haldir… And Legolas. One word about Legolas and I take off running in fear. Heh. OKAY, maybe not fear, but annoyance. Er… Something like that. Yeah. Anyway…  

Should I go to Mirkwood or should I go to the Shire? I'm not sure. What do you think? 


	12. Dresses And Kisses Under The Stars

(A/N: By the way, I have no clue what Age this is happening in, but I know for sure it's before the Ring is discovered… Yeah. Apparently Jareth did not want me going on the quest or something… lol. Poo, cuz that would have been fun. Heh. On with my adventures in diary format, ho! ^_^

SonKalia: I got a hold of J for ya and he says for you to try again, since I didn't want to get your question all mixed up on accident and you ending up having huge elephant ears or something… lol. So I've wisely kept my mouth shut and told him you had a question for him. lol. So call him again, and hopefully he'll answer. lol. It's the best I can do for now… Oh and I told Haldir hello for you. lol. He smiled and gave me the message to say hello in return. lol. Such a busy schedule I keep. *NOTICE the sarcasm, hint hint wink wink nudge nudge*)

April 9th, 2003

Well… I'm not much for dark and gloomy, so I've decided to go to the Shire. Heh. Galadriel has sent a messenger before us, to inform Bilbo (whom we will be staying with) of our arrival in a week, so we don't show up on his doorstep out of the blue, freaking him out. That wouldn't be good. No. Celeborn and Galadriel had a celebration last night… It seems that an Elf had a birthday yesterday so the Lord and Lady held a celebration in honor of the Elf… How cool is that? Anyway, Galadriel sent one of her Elleths to help me prepare for the evening, since Haldir asked to escort me there. lol. Woo that Elf-maid did wonders to me! I looked like an Elf, which is pretty unusual since I look more like a human than anything. I guess the ears helped, as well. lol. I had a dress on and it was gorgeous… It was a beautiful jade green that tied around the neck, leaving my shoulders and back bare, and it also brought out the natural green in my eyes and she put this lotion on my skin that made it glow... LITERALLY. It was so cool. I tied the sides of my shoulder length dirty blonde hair back, leaving the rest down and put on my Austrian crystal heart charm necklace and sterling silver gecko ring and I was ready to go. lol. When Haldir saw me, he stopped in his tracks, his mouth hanging open in shock or something and it took a while for him to find any words to say. lol. SCORE! I stunned the March Warden of Lorien! Woo-hoo! Go me. lol. Let's just say he was flirting with me all night and staring down all the male Elves who happened to look in my direction. Mind you, I usually only wear a tunic and leggings when I'm out and about, so seeing me in a dress is a rare occasion, indeed. lol. Haldir later on took me out to a small, secluded pond with a waterfall, and there were little bugs of light flitting around everywhere, giving us a nice ethereal glow. Heh. He asked me to dance and he sang an Elvish tune (WHOA, Haldir? SINGING? Holy Batman where's a voice recorder when I need one?!) as we danced under the starlit sky. Heh. Then, he kissed me. Idn't that sooo cute!!!!!! lol. I think we both.. er… got caught up in the moment… For when we returned to the city, his hair was messed up (tee-hee!) and my dress was slightly twisted. lol. NO we didn't do the nasty. lol. Sheesh. You sick-minded people. Gods that Elf is hott. Oop! o.O Did I just say that? lol. OH and Haldir didn't have his March Warden clothing on... Just a simple tunic of silver with white Elvish designs and ivory leggings. lol.  He looked REALLY good. lol. BUT ANYWAY, I'm totally blabbering on. So… New subject! 

Legolas has left 2 days ago to return to Mirkwood… I gave him a hug and I couldn't resist touching his ears one more time cuz I didn't know if I was going to see him again before I leave for home. lol. He almost melted into a puddle. Aaaand I think he finally snapped cuz he smashed his lips against mine and kissed me to the point where I had to practically beat him off of me by smacking him upside the head quite a few times. lol. Note to self: Refrain from touching an Elf's ears, unless you REALLY want to get them excited. lol. I have to admit, I'm going to miss Legolas. He was a really good friend, other than his annoying habits (i.e. constantly asking me to touch his ears and stalking me… lol). *sigh* At least I've got Haldir to irritate.. And… *ahem* mess with. *innocent smile* o.O I didn't say that, what are you talking about? Eh-Heh.

But off I go… The night before we leave, Galadriel's holding a small feast in my honor. *sniffle* Aww! I'm gonna cry that night, also. I wonder what Jareth's going to say when he finds out I've left Lorien? Heh heh heh. Oh and when he finds out about Haldir and I… Bwahaha. That'll be quite a day... *evil grin* But I'm going to go help Haldir "keep watch" now. Heh. Namaarie and mucho amor to you all! ^_^


	13. Piano Concerts And The Wonders Of Body G...

April 11th, 2003

*pouts* I am going to miss Lothlorien while I'm away… But I'll be bringing the best part of it with me! lol. Wow that sounded SO corny. lol. I can say a sentence or two in Sindarin! How cool is that? "Im meleth lastalîn melui lalaith…" I'm not that good writing it yet but I can say it! Galadriel severely encouraged me to say that to Haldir, and she told me the meaning after I did so. lol. Gah! I had told Haldir that I love to hear his sweet laughter… *blushes profusely* Um... Pardon me while I go crawl under a rock and DIE of embarrassment… _ lol. I also translated, "Lament For Gandalf" into "Naergonan Mithrandir"… At least, that's the way it sounds. I haven't learned how to write in English letters yet. lol. It's a confusing language, I tell you! But it's fun and a great challenge to learn. Heh.  

Heh I called for Jareth the other day… I asked him to send a baby grand piano my way, and he did! It's sitting on the forest floor of Caras Galadhon at this very moment, lol. It arrived yesterday, and I've been brushing up on my piano skills. lol. (YEAH right if only I DID have piano skills in real life SHH don't tell NOBODY lol) I played the little piano duet on the movie Road To Perdition, closing my eyes and just letting my fingers roll over the keys. It was so awesome. I even had a male Elf humming along to the tune. lol. Haldir sat beside me, pretty much drawn to the never-before-heard instrument playing. I even got Galadriel's attention. She thought it was magic. HA! I showed her the inside of the piano and she was like, "An evolved harp!" lol. Anywho, I had so much fun playing for the Elves… Let's see here... What all did I play? Piano Sonata k.545 1st mov. , Valse op.64 no.1 "Petit Chien", Piano Sonata op.13 "Pathetique" 2nd mov, and some other really neat songs that I don't know the name to. And YES, I even played Greensleeves… Just a bit spiced up and more upbeat. Heh. Much fun! Haldir even asked me to play the first song I played a second time. Heh. Late last night I just had fun making up my own songs… Everyone was up in his or her flets, and I was the only one on the floor of the forest, other than a few random Elves. lol. I happened to be a bit melancholy while I played, so they were nothing but sad notes. lol. I even made up a piano addition to the Naergonan Mithrandir… It sounded pretty cool. Sad, but cool. *sigh* I love piano music. Especially playing it. OH I even played "As The World Falls Down"... I taught myself to play it by remembering the melody (a.k.a. the lyrical part) a while ago… Last year, I think… Yeah. Bwahaha. I even taught Haldir to play the left-handed part of the piano duet in Road To Perdition… He's really good, for a first-time player. lol. Must be an Elf thing… *shrugs*

But on a better note, I'm humoring myself with images of Haldir having to bend forward in order to stand in a hobbit home… lol. It cracks me up every time I think of it. He just playfully pouts and acts like he's no longer interested in me. lol. Then I… uh… "Persuade him" with little teasing kisses. lol. Heh. And he caves in. *evil cackle* Ahem. XD ANYWAYS… Mooooving on…

I introduced Galadriel to the wonders of body glitter… LOL. That went… um… interestingly well… lol.  I've also been thinking about whether or not I should be showing the Elves these things, since it may very well change the way they live... Doubtfully, but it's still possible, nonetheless. Eep! Not good! _ Well, can't undo the past... What's happened will have to stay that way… I can't change it. Oops. Oh well. 

I still haven't told Jareth that I'm leaving Lorien… SHH don't you dare tell him, either! Okies? Okies. Apparently the Goblins did more damage than J had originally thought… lol. But off I go now to wreak some havoc on some unsuspecting Elves... Heh heh… Namaarie!

-Niffers


	14. Elvish Children Songs And Ithildin?

Late at night, April 11th, 2003

I had gotten a hold of some kind of substance called "ithildin" which only seemed to glow in the starlight or moonlight… Hrmm. lol. I of course felt stupid enough to put it on my skin and I glowed like a freakin' lighthouse beacon, but much paler. lol. It was pretty interesting… Especially when Haldir jumped out of the bushes, aiming an arrow at my forehead, then paling when he saw it was not some odd glowing creature, but me. lol. Okay, so I qualify for the definition of those words… lol. Oh well, who cares. Eh…  The other day Haldir led me to a big pond, and I cried out, "Lanthir!" which meant "A waterfall!" in Sindarin. lol. Haldir only chuckled at my giddiness and wrapped me in his arms (so comfortable! ^_^) and taught me an ancient song in Sindarin. And it was so cute… lol. It was a children's song, but it was adorable! ^_^ Heh. Eh... He makes me laugh. Who'd've thought there'd be a humorous side to the March Warden of Lorien???? I did! lol. He even told me how when he was a wee lad, his brothers used to play tricks on him, and vice versa. Apparently the three of them were quite the mischievous trio. lol.  We got to talking about our lives, our courtships, first kisses, etc. and random embarrassing moments. lol. Like when Haldir's brother, Orophin, got caught when he was little looking up an Elf-girl's dress and pinned it on Haldir. lol.  Oh the things they did to each other. *chuckles* Anywho, time to close that particular memory lane… 

I contacted Jareth again to see how things are going in the Labyrinth… From what I could see over J's right shoulder, the goblins practically left nothing standing, except for the castle. lol. Either that, or an earthquake happened. *shrugs* I didn't ask for details, so I don't really know. lol. Go figure. But he said that I'm definitely going to be staying for a good 4 moths in Middle Earth, or until I'm ready to go home… But I don't know if I really want to… I mean, I've never felt a part of that world, and I guess I'm just an old-fashioned soul with modern spirit… Did that even make sense? I'm just babbling now… lol. It's late at night and I'm exhausted from running today and doing Tae-Bo exercises (i.e. punching to the side and karate kicking)… If only Middle Earth had kick bags.. Ooooo… I see an orc-shaped one used for target practice… Hrmmm. Just might go kick it tomorrow. lol. Who knows? Anywho, I am OUT-TIE!

Namaarie and mucho amor to you all!

- A very tired Niffers *winks*


	15. Fond Farewells And A Kitten! puuuuurrrrr...

(A/N: All the songs and musicians in this chapter can be found on mp3.com… Go now and look them up so you have an understanding of what I've been playing… lol.)

April 17th, 2003

We left Caras Galadhon (pronounced "Kar-ahs Gahl-ah-thon) yesterday and The Lord and Lady bid us a very fond farewell. *sniffle*. I even hugged Celeborn! ^_^ He's so cool. Heh. I surprised Galadriel when I rushed towards her and hugged her tightly… lol. But she surprised _me_ when she hugged me and spoke to me in Elvish, saying she'd miss me. lol. Bwahaha. Niffers has found a place in the hearts of Elves! Tee-hee. lol. The other day I asked one of the female elves if they dyed their hair. Bwahahaha. She said, "No… Why do you ask?" and I told her that her roots were showing. Let's say I had to run pretty fast to escape her wrath. But it's all in good fun! I swear! *eye twitch*

You know, traveling all day isn't that great. Oh noooooo it isn't. First we had to travel by boat to get across the Anduin and there was only one horse waiting for us on the other side! The other one must have run off or something. lol. I merely transformed into a kitten and kept myself on Haldir's shoulder (by means of CLAWS…), on the part right behind his neck (don't worry he was wearing his immensely THICK cloak... Heh) and my head peeking out from under his hair. lol. I made myself to be the color of his hair, also. lol. The only thing that really stood out, were my eyes. lol. So basically if someone took a small glance they wouldn't notice me, and that is the way I intended it to be. Camouflage, baby! And if I ever wanted to just curl up and sleep, I just went into his hood. lol. Very interesting way of traveling, by the way. Yes. That horse ran with such a smooth gait that Haldir never lurched back and forth. Very nice. Especially for when I was sleeping. lol. At night or whenever we stopped, though, I transformed back into my human form. I laughed though when he commented on me purring and kneading his shoulder. At one point the cat instinct took over and I sucked on his earlobe, mindful of my kitten fangs, of course. lol. Purring, kneading, the whole bit. lol. I blushed profusely when he mentioned it later that day. lol. He even told me he wanted to reciprocate the action, and… er… *cough* do other things *cough* as well… I _did not_ say that, _why_ do you keep insisting that I say things which I don't? *wink*

Four days ago Jareth had sent me some sheet music to keep me entertained… lol. And I'm easily entertained, by the way… Give me a bouncy ball and I could be enthralled for hours. lol. Anywho, the sheet music consisted of Chopin and Yuko Ohigashi. Yuko is 15 years old and a genius at composing her own songs on piano… I love her music! lol. I had fun playing the songs all throughout that night. I even found Haldir sitting at the piano, playing one of the songs I played for him on the first night the piano arrived. He catches on quick! Eh… Must be an Elf thing. lol. Before we left I played one of Chopin's pieces for almost the whole of Lorien… lol. "Mazurka in D Major"… They absolutely loved it for its lilting and upbeat melody. Heh. I personally love Chopin… His songs were always fantastic and beautiful. I even played Chopin's "Fantasy Impromptu" for them. And if you've heard it, you'd know that it is one very fast and complex song to play. Well, in the different parts, it is… Nevertheless, I did it, and with emotion. Bwahaha. _I am victorious! _Yes. Ahem. Anywho, it _was_ pretty interesting to see Haldir's fingers gliding across the keys so fast… 

Oh I did end up kicking and punching the crap out of that Orc shaped target… Heh. And it's pretty difficult to write while on horseback… You should see the written version of this entry… lol. Horrid. *shudders* Anywho, onto (hopefully) more interesting topics…

Actually I'm going to go now... Haldir keeps looking at me like I'm his next meal… And… he's… slowly… inching… his way… towards… m- Namaarie! ^_^

-The currently distracted Niffers…


	16. Shocking News And Cancellation Of The Tr...

April 23rd, 2003

Well... Found out some interesting news… As some of you may have guessed, I am no longer a virgin. GASP! lol. Haldir's been so sweet to me… Anywho, as of this morning, Haldir and I discovered something (ahem…) and we have decided to cancel our trip to The Shire and go back to Lorien… We had just made it past the Gap of Rohan when this little secret reared its cute little head so now we're going back to Lorien because Haldir doesn't want to risk my health. I'm pretty sure you have all figured it out by now so I will not bother saying anything about it. Heh. And to think it was an accident… Anywho…

What's even more shocking is that I may be part Fae. See, a couple of days ago I asked J to remove my ears… And now they're back full force! But this time, they actually _grew_ into points. I have a very supportive friend whom I keep in touch with (you know who you are!) and now I'd like to think we're almost sisters.*smiles* Anyways, when I get back I'm going to talk with Galadriel about my current predicament and we (Haldir, Galadriel, Celeborn and I) are going to discuss what's going to happen. lol. Haldir and I discussed names and it's going to be Avaria, if it's a girl, and Trinion if it's a boy. For all you people who were clueless before, NOW YOU KNOW. lol. Avaria, after a very good friend of mine, and I'm not going to say much else for privacy reasons. lol. Anywho, just thought I'd update. Too bad I won't be seeing Haldir hunched over in a hobbit hole. *pouts* Oh well.

Namarie…

-Niffers


	17. Comfy Beds And Comfy Elves

Late At Night, April 24th, 2003

Holy jiminy crisis it feels sooooo nice to sleep in an actual bed! ^_^ If you couldn't tell before, we are back in Lorien! *does a little happy dance* Anywho, a couple of days from now I'm going to be meeting with Galadriel and the gang to discuss Haldir's and my discovery. lol. Celeborn and Galadriel were there to greet us today, also… lol. And dang it she was smiling at me as if she knew something that I didn't… lol. I hate that. Damn secretive smiles. Eesh. Heh.

I asked Haldir why we took the long way around in the first place to get to The Shire and Haldir merely grinned. Grrrr. Why can't anybody give me straight answers for a change? I even pouted. He played with my lower lip too so I smacked his hand away. lol.

I hung out with Rumil, earlier… Very spirited Elf, he is. lol. He and I are going to go out tomorrow night and egg that one She-Elf whom I have dubbed Fake Blonde's talan. lol. And she's not a very nice Elf, either… Ergh. I'm not going to go into detail right now, but she really grates on my nerves… lol. I know… I'm evil. Some day I'll tell you all the pranks I pulled on Haldir while out on the road, and vice-versa. lol. Ahh, good times. ^_^  But I am exhausted from walking all day today…. We had to leave the horse on the other side of the Anduin River, for it was wild and couldn't go back with us anyway, since it would leave tracks. lol. And that bed is looking mighty inviting, along with a certain Chico-Duende laying in it that goes by the name of Haldir… Heh. Nighty night! And don't let the Bed Elves bite!

-Niffers

P.S. Diola lle, Avi, for telling me those stories of Haldir… Heh. Blackmail. Bwahaha! ^_^ And to warn ya, my msn messenger is down right now so we won't be able to talk much… L Haldir was ignorant enough to spill water on my laptop, so now it's even more funky than it was before. Messenger seems to be the only thing acting up, though… Huh. Go figure. But e-mail me and we'll keep in touch that way until I fix my laptop. lol. Namaarie for now! ^_^


	18. Lost Babies And Immortality

May 17th, 2003

Oiye. Lost the baby a while back. Didn't have the heart to write until now. I'm back on Earth and I'll be staying here a while, though I do occasionally go back to see Haldir, and vice versa. The thing is, I absorbed the immortality of little Avaria when she decided to no longer live. It was like she knew that it wasn't her time to come into the world yet. Strange. But now I am immortal and I am Half-Elven (because of the baby) so I can safely stay with Haldir and I don't have to worry of him dying from a broken heart. Though I've heard that he dies at Helm's Deep. I'm not sure, nor do I want to be sure about such a subject. lol. We've rescheduled our trip to The Shire, and then after the Shire we'll be traveling back to Rivendell and then onwards to Mirkwood to visit Legolas and I'll finally get to meet King Thranduil. Woo-hoo! I've heard he's as good-looking as Legolas. lol. 

I'm making a dress of my own design. Yeppers. I'm still getting it together, and I have no idea what kind of fabric it's going to be, but it's going to look uber-cool. lol. Muwahaha. I'm going to have so much fun making it. Heh. I am sooo tired, though. lol. I just got done talking to Haldir telepathically and his conversations deplete my energy to dangerous levels lol. It's even worse when I try to mind-speak with Galadriel. Oiye. lol. But Anywho, this has been an update of the Life Of Niffers. Stay tuned again for more upcoming episodes! ^_^

Namarie!

-Niffers


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